And I don't mean when the cruise ship is in stormy weather. I mean going up and down in the onboard elevators. Because funny things happen at sea in those!
Holland America Line ships have floormats in their elevators which, very conveniently, tell you what day it is. When all those lazy days at sea roll into one, when you can't remember if it's Monday, Tuesday or perhaps Friday, you just need to go and stand in an elevator and the answer is right under your feet.
I always imagine the placing of those floormats to be a little like the 'Elves and the Shoemaker' fairy tale. When the shoemaker went to his workshop each morning, the elves would have been in at night and done some work. I like to think that, late at night, there is a team of crew members scurrying around with bags of floormats and, on the stroke of midnight, they whisk the old ones out of the elevators and put in the mats showing the new day!
One morning I stepped into an elevator to go up to breakfast. I was wearing a black and white top, white trousers and black and white shoes. There was already a woman in the elevator wearing a black and white top, white trousers and black and white shoes. 'Why, honey," she drawled when she saw me. "Ain't we off the same page of the catalogue!"
Many designers of cruise ship interiors seem to think that glass-fronted elevators are fantastic. Some elevators, like those on SuperStar Virgo, are edged with lights like the mirrors in a movie star's dressing room. Others, like the ones on Sapphire Princess, have cut-out brass scenes.
But for people like me who don't want to see the deck falling away from under them, or conversely, the deck rising quickly to meet them, glass-fronted elevators aren't fantastic. They're just plain scary!